freedom wall.

Yaya Quotes

2012-01-25T11:02:00.000-08:00

Frederique – We had a yaya who claimed she was being courted by a kapre in her province and wanted to take her to his kingdom. Her reason for turning down the offer to be his queen? “Kapre yun ma’am, malaki ang kwan nun! Wag na tuy!”
Ivan – Kid: “Yaya look, boats!” Yaya: “Dows are not boats, they’re yachts.” Kid: “Yaya, spell yachts?” Yaya: “Yor rayt, dey are boats.”
Sam – Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor’s office. Doc: “Bottlefed?” Woman: “Breastfed po.” (Doctors squeezes woman’s breasts repeatedly) Doc: “Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh.” Woman: “Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!”
William & Luli – The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten. She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor: “Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!”
No name – My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star. Our yaya came back and said: “Ma’am, wala pong Inquirer kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!”
Cutie Girl – Yaya: “Huhuhu…” Ate: “O, bakit ka umiiyak?” Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!” Ate: “Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?” Yaya: “Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi.” Ate: “O, bakit ka di makatulog?” Yaya: “Kasi po may pinoproblema ako…” Ate: “Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?” Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”
Curt Smith – (Earlier) Mom: “Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!” (Later) Son: “Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?” Yaya: “Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!”
Fuzzy Secretary – Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform. I angrily asked her, “Paano mo naman nasunog to?” She answered: “Secret!”
Dew Berry – After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out: “Ang pangit naman, happy ending!”
Ungazz – Sir: “Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!” Yaya: “Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!”
No name – Mom: “Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!” Yaya: “Ano po lulutuin ko?” Mom: “It’s up to you.” (During dinner) Mom: “Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?” Yaya: “Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko, sabi niyo, ‘kitsup tuyo’!”
Aries – Our neighbor’s yaya: “Junjun, chew your mouth!”
Abelski – Our yaya sa sari-sari store: “Miss isang Coke in can at isang Sprite na Coke in can…”
Ken - SIR: “Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!” INDAY: “Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?” SIR: “Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!” INDAY: “Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin…kapkeyk…”
SC – I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located. She answered: “Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?”
No name – Ate: “O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?” Yaya: “Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!” Ate: “Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?” Yaya: “Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!”
Geyp – We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle. Sabi namin: “Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?” Yaya: “Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, ‘concentrate’…”
S44 – Neighbor’s yaya telling her ward to climb down the stairs: “Down to earth! Down to earth!”
Chester – My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio. Before my mom left the house, our yaya said, “Ma’am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!”
Astroboy – We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya’s son. So one day I was reviewing him: “The Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun. Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?” His mom, our yaya, answered: “Parang Watson’s yata…”
No name – Sir: “Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?” Yaya: “Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!” Sir: “Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?” Yaya: “Gunting, kuya! Gunting!”
Ivan – Yaya to tricycle driver: “Magkano sa City Hall?” Driver: “Ikaw lang?” Yaya: “Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?”
Jun13 – (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya) Kuya: “Yaya…” Yaya: “Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!” Kuya: “Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!” Yaya: “Si Koya naman…nagsa-suggest lang…”
Mr. Perk – Kid: “Yaya, spell orange?” Yaya: “Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?”
Yñaki – Midget Yaya who was newly hired: “Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo. At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!”
Sawyer – Yaya to my brother: “Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?” Bro: “Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!”
Geyp – (after being scolded for breaking her promises): “Ma’am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit…promise!”
Jose de vengenge – Yaya buys food at McDo. Crew: “Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?” Yaya: “Puwede sa table?”
Ivan – AMO: “Bakit namatay ang aso?” MAID: “Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap.” AMO: “Nakamamatay ba yun?” MAID: “Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na.”
Ehem - Yaya picking up the phone saying: “Hilo?” We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad. We told her, “Yaya, baliktad!” Then Yaya said: “Lohi?”

sweet November

2010-10-30T02:35:00.000-07:00

I don’t know how the gods made you!! For such a wonderful person like you do exist.. Cause a true person like you is a gift! A gift that I ever wanted for so long!! With the short distance on between us we still let our self feel the passion of being in love for all the times that we shared laughter and sadness may be the witness on how we show our presence!! Sometimes we argue but great couple do argue even things are all nonsense but every time its over our feelings will be always healed and grow bigger!! Thank you for the tender loving care that you always show!! Even we are from north and south, of still its ok cause great time happens for a reason!! Miss you so much!! You just let me feel that I’m secure every single day here away from you!! that’s the reason why I’m still holding on you tight cause I know time will let us be with!!

I will take care of you always!!! Loving you will always mean a lot to me!! Don’t even have the words to describe how lucky i am to have you in my life!! Love you more every now and then!!

- Jm :D

Thank you my wife.

2010-08-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

No one else would understand our relationship, and no one else in this world would understand me the way you do. happy monthsary babe.

When i was a kid, i promised myself success and greater things in life. it feels great when you achieve one of those childhood dreams. just nothing like it. =)

earphone

2010-04-11T07:56:00.000-07:00

Kulang sa isang oras ang binibyahe ko papunta sa aking pupuntahan. Maaga. Tahimik sa loob ng sasakyan, dahil na rin siguro sa kulang sa tulog ang mga bumibyahe. Walang enerhiya. Kanya-kanyang saksak ng earphone sa tenga, marahil pampakundisyon sa nakakasawang trabaho. Ganyang scenario ang madalas kong maranasan sa araw-araw kong pag biyahe ng maaga.

Kanya-kanyang trip ng musika. Palakasan ng volume. Hindi maiiwasang marinig mo din ang pinakikinggan ng katabi, lalo na kung ang volume niya ay nakakapagpa-rakenrol ng kanyang tutuli. Pasensyahan na lang kung hindi mo trip ang kanyang mga banat.

Pero nahihirapan talaga ang utak ko sa kakaisip. Bakit kaya yung lalaking yun na katabi ko kanina na malaking katawan na mukhang rapist na siga kung umasta, na kala mo kung sino kung magpausog ng pasahero makaupo lang ng maayos ang damuho, pag-upo niya sabay masid sa mga nakaupo sabay saksak ng kanyang earphone...

"I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me...
Papa-paparazzi..."

Wiiiiiiiiih! Ganyanan ah Lady Gaga.

isang bukas na liham.

2010-03-09T22:01:00.000-08:00

Dahil tao lang ako at may HANGGANAN ang lahat

ilang beses ko na bang sinabi na hindi ako perpekto? ilang beses ko na bang sinabi na tao lang ako?
hindi ko na din mabilang. napakaraming beses ko nang sinabi na ako ay tao lang at maraming kahinaan at kasalanan, hindi ko ginagawang excuse ang aking pagiging tao nais ko lang ipaalala.

hindi ba kayo din naman, pagnagkakamali kayo sasabihin niyo kaagad, "tao lang ako..." at inaasahan ninyo na maiintindihan kayo kaagad ng mga tao. pero bakit ganun, pag sinabi kong tao lang ako hindi niyo maintindihan. hindi, o baka ayaw lang talaga ninyong intindihin. may pagkakaiba din kasi yun eh.

hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit gusto niyong intindihin kayo pero ayaw niyong intindihin ang iba. gusto niyong irespeto kayo pero ayaw niyong respetuhin ang iba. gusto niyong patawarin kayo pero ayaw niyong magpatawad.

hindi lang kayo ang tao. TAO din ako.
lahat ng bagay sa mundo may hangganan, may katapusan.
hindi habang buhay na hahayaan ko na lang na ganito. hindi habang buhay na tatahimik ako at magwawalang bahala. hindi habang buhay na magbubulag-bulagan ako.
may katapusan ang lahat.

ako ay taong hindi naman talaga matatawag na 'patient' pero sa napaka habang panahon pinilit kong intindihin ang lahat. nanahimik ako at hinayaan kayo na husgahan ako at siraan ako. kahit alam ko kung ano ang sinasabi ninyo pag wala ako, hindi ako umimik. pinilit kong magpasensya. pero sana lang wag niyong isipin na habang buhay ganito na lang. masama akong magalit, kaya wag niyo akong pilitin.

hindi ko ipinagpipilitan ang sarili ko sa mga taong ayaw sa akin. kung ayaw mo sa akin then leave me alone. huwag mo akong siraan, wag mo akong isipin, wag niyo akong pag-usapan. ayaw niyo sa akin at sa ugali ko di ba?

hindi ko na kailangang sabihin kung sino kayo. you know who you are. pag tinamaan ka, ikaw na yun.

oo, maldita ako. oo, suplada ako. pero ang masasabi ko lang, at least harap-harapan ang pagiging kontrabida ko. hindi ako ngumiti sa inyo ng hindi bukal sa puso ko. hindi ako nakikipag-usap at nakikipag tawanan sa mga taong hindi ko feel kausap. hindi ako ngumingiti sa mga taong hindi ko gusto. kahit kailan hindi ako nagpanggap na mabait sa harap ninyo tapos sisiraan kayo pagtalikod ninyo. kung gaano ka laki ng ngiti ko sa harap mo, ganun pa rin yun pag talikod ko.

siguro nga masama akong tao pero totoo ako sa sarili ko.
SANA kayo rin.

"Tungkuling mong tumulong sa kapwa dahil may kakayanan ka at gusto mong tumulong. Pero wag mong kalimutan na hindi mo mababago ang mundo at hindi mo maililigtas ang lahat ng tao. Hindi ikaw ang unang nagtangka… hindi ikaw ang magiging huli… hindi ka solusyon. Pero hindi dahilan yon para mawalan ka ng pag-asa at tumigil sa pagbibigay nito." – Mang Ernesto

a kiss.. is a kiss.. is a kiss... :)

2010-03-02T08:33:00.000-08:00

they're called 2nd-moment kisses. well, okay: I call them 2nd-moment kisses.
they're the ones that happen when two people who have never kissed each other before kiss for the first time---slow, short and sweet-- part for a heartbeat and, before you can even say, "what the fuck are you doing breaking the kiss??!!", they kiss again-- long, still sweet, but not-so-soft this time around..

i swear to God, that's how kisses should always be.

i... feel like 2nd-moment kiss-ing you; when our arms graze each other, when you lightly, playfully touch by back, when i dare touch yours, when you look at me like you don't know, when you don't look at me at all..... it's not anything if not primarily electric, magnetic, dizzying, overwhelming and all other ic's and ing's you can think of when you think of how close a distance i always pull myself back from when i almost always feel like going for the second moment kiss that just never had a first.

you're not a mystery, but you're fascinating. you're an open book, yet forever closed. you're paced, but exhilerating.
as jodi sawyer in center stage would say, "you're sweaty, but you smell sweet. you have sweet-sweat"

well, you have sweet-sweat, miss. just so you know.

...guess who.

bottom lip

2010-02-23T08:49:00.000-08:00

if you kiss me....

the touch of your lips to mine will feel like a hushed whisper.
eyes closed, the first brush will be skin against skin, and the heated distance separating us will so slowly be bridged as your supple pink lips search--long--for mine.
the first touch will be so gentle, that you'll brush your bottom lip against mine again, just to make sure.
you won't even realize that your deliciously warm palms have already traveled the distance between my arms and my cheeks; and as they find my face, they will first linger at my neck as your fingers trace the curve of my neckline. you'll want to kiss me there.
my arms will snake around your waist and the electricity will be more than enough to curl our toes.

this was always meant to happen.

your thumb will caress my cheek, and we finally have our first second-moment kiss.
urgent, tender, warm and wet.
hungry.
brimming full with things unsaid.
because if it finally happens, it would so be about time.

gah, i miss you so badly.

meaningful day

2010-01-30T06:24:00.000-08:00

we we're just this happy yesterday. everybody's singing, drinking, catching up. and i was suddenly surprised when they call me to sing this memorable song for her.

this was me singing.--------------------and her reaction.

this was a night when sorrows, tribulations and problems of life are forgotten. a day full of joy and happiness and a celebration of a new life and a happy home.

I LOVE YOU JEN.

and i'm looking forward to spend the rest of my life with you.

happy birthday!

is anyone else feeling generally depressed and lonely?

2010-01-21T07:14:00.000-08:00

i did until i slapped myself (literally). God, i feel so pathetic for posting this, but hey, i'm lonely. i have no-one to talk to and that the whole world is crap my life sucks. i just want to give up on everything.

but then, i remember this saying :
"when everything seems out of control and nothing is going your way just remember to keep breathing and you'll survive".

it doesn't cheer me up,TOTALLY. but it always brings a smile to my face and a spark of hope that tomorrow will be a better day. sigh* i plan for tomorrow about how everything is going to go right in the future.

"don't stop breathing, look and plan ahead for a better tomorrow"

BBB :)

i heart jenny

2010-01-17T08:50:00.000-08:00

have you ever met someone that made you go, "oh, so that's why i had to go through all those jerks first! because i had this coming!!!"? i have.

her name is Jenny.

we've been together for a couple of months now and its the funniest thing because the both of us can't decide whether its been the shortest or longest couple of months ever. its like, "wow, its only been that long? so much has happened!" but also, "wow, its been that long already? it feels like we got together yesterday!".

its weird.

but what i really wanted to say was that in spite of all he pretty cool things that have been happening in my life so far, this girl takes the cake and the pie.

as the intro to this section of the post would have it, i've had my fair share of buttholes. don't get me wrong, not all of them were. some were quite great. but none of them were as real and true in the meaning of my life.

some were ripples. some were waves. this is the TSUNAMI.

the end.

***and what, it's only January? oh boy.

smitten

2009-12-23T21:04:00.000-08:00

the WORD and the FEELING.

It’s not a word usually employed alongside my name, but if you're talking about blushing reflexes, excessive and unnecessary smiling, sighing and that tingly feeling in the pit of your stomach that just won't go, then hell yeah, employ away.
Because i actually think i am. ;p
the last time i felt it was.. i think still with early college, and she was still the captain of the guitar and org team. faaar too long ago. i had forgotten the feeling.

a good friend and i were talking about the nothings and everything’s of our day, and she suddenly said, "there's a word for this, you know... Smitten.”
and yes, i did know. i do feel. and though it never was present in my immediate vocabulary, it really is the most apt word to describe it.

So, Thank You....
for giving me the word, and the feeling... for captivating me so much that i can't even puke when i think of exactly how smitten i am.

...for kissing me first thing whenever we meet, for saying that my cousin is witty and funny and for meaning it when you tell me that my fingers are like hotdogs.

...for never telling me that we would swim oceans for each other, for accepting my history and assuring me that past is past and for understanding that we are still two people, north-south apart, with lives away from each other that we have yet to meet and get to know, merge, embrace and adjust.

...for saying, in any case, that we have all the time in the world, so it's okay to take it slow and that you "just have a feeling that we'll be alright."

For raising me that dollar. ;P

So, for the patience, the unfailing and most un-patronizing sarcasm and for making this incredible leap of faith.
for being with me through the processes of guardedness and denial, uncertainty, hesitation, politeness and second thoughts, discernment and resolve and the inevitability-- necessity-- of openly falling in love. if only because we already are.
for "smitten": both the word and the feeling.

...Thank you...

for taking my sad words away.

4 minutes

2009-11-05T00:57:00.000-08:00

have you ever been in love? horrible isn't it? it makes you so vulnerable. it opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. you build all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so nothing can hurt you...

...then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.

you gave them a piece of you. they didn't ask for it. they did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you....

and then your life isn't your own anymore.

love takes hostages. it gets inside you. it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

it hurts. not just in the imagination. not just in the mind. it's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. i hate love.

:(

what the fuck

2009-10-17T04:32:00.000-07:00

when you aren't doing something wrong and there's someone who keeps on insisting that you are, it really gets all the crap out of you. you start to scream because she wont listen. she insists on what she believes and you started to become so pissed that you eventually learn not to care.

I'm tired of dealing with people who are stuck in a limbo. they don't wanna get out of it and worse, they want you there with them.

i hate it. i despise it.

so yeah.
what someone says does not define who you are.
you don't define me.
your words are not my reality.

eat it.

i confess.

2009-10-16T04:30:00.000-07:00

I speak my mind out. I say what I feel. I voice out my concerns.
I am brutally honest at times. but i'm trying to say things wih grace. with love.
i am learning. i will get there someday.

point is.
when i dont like you, i say it to you. if i dont say it, ill let you know anyways. im not a hypocrite. im not a fake. if im angry, sad, mad or whatever, you'll know it. i dont wear a mask.

hypocrisy is not my game.

farewell my old friend.

2009-10-05T04:18:00.000-07:00

i dont know why i bother writing this. the truth is, writing bores me to tears. i have nothing to say that will benefit mankind, or that will brighten your day, or will make you ponder the meaning of life or anything like that. i dont retreat into my mental space long enough to come up with something new to write.

it bothers me that i have a practically inactive blog, a once-huge blog at that, sitting like abandoned infrastructure, taking up space on the web. and i dont know what to do with it. tear it down? repaint it? renovate? rent the space out?

having an inactive blog of this scale (at least 4 years worth of entries) is like dragging around a temporary paralyzed limb. it doesnt do anything, its just dead weight. four years worth of accounts of your life lolling out there for the public to see like your ratty old underwear hanging on a clothesline.

four years i blogged relentlessly and it didnt ever seem like i would get tired of it. but now, i am. i feel disconnected from anything i wrote. i dont actually like broadcasting what i do with my life, even though i rarely ever got personal and private in the past. i dont care to share all the hum-drum little things. i dont care if people read what i write and i dont care what they have to say about the things i write.

i dont think i enjoy the blogging medium anymore/ i dont like dialogue with nameless, faceless strangers, or people whom i will only ever know as pseudonyms in helvetica. i dont care to hear a bunch of completely random opinions from people i will never know, anyway.

i dont read other people's blogs except close friends and family, and i dont read comments. if anything is important enough for me to know, then it will get to me somehow.

i think people spend too much time on the internet instead of cultivating real relationships with each other, dealing with the actual, in-the-present things. im absolutely guilty of what i just said.

on a whole, i feel like this blog is a 4-year body of work i am ready to move on from... to make way for new growth i guess. new medium. new something. i still enjoy reaching out to an audience, just not this way. this blog was shaped during a particular time in my life when i was going through a particular phase, and was a particular person, and well... things change as things are wont to do.

so... goodbye till i figure out what i want to do. im craving a more lo-fi medium. good old pen and paper. something hand-written.

bahala na.

...

2009-10-05T03:14:00.000-07:00

kayo po na naka upo, subukan nyo namang tumayo, baka matanaw, at baka matanaw ninyo ang tunay na kalagayan ko.

:(

deep-down the dump

2009-10-04T23:20:00.000-07:00

deep hole.
wins.
losses.
bad vibes. good vibes.
screw ups.
broken relationships.
forgotten friendships.
wrong choices.
bad calls.
mistakes.
jealousy.
everything chaotic.
wrongs. all wrongs.

things where really messy. i was on a roller coaster that i just couldn't get off. i was lost in all posts of mental and emotional whirlwind churning inside of me. i was a bit of suicidal and just couldn't see anything like a light at the end of a proverbial tunnel.

got nothing. got nobody.
and... it was all my fault... all mine.

if it weren't for HIM, i'd be really alone right now.

a better you, and a better me.

2009-09-18T07:34:00.000-07:00

When you left, i wonder how to face each day. Specially the first morning after you left me. When i woke up then i realize there's no more of you, and i have to face that first day alone.
There's no more GOOD MORNING messages on my handphone.
Nobody to call me that sweet name that i came to like.
Nobody to share secrets with.

I can hang around with other people, but it will take time for me to have fun, coz i can only laugh with you. I can make jokes with other people, but i only want to play jokes is with you.
At syempre mas masarap ang mojos pag ikaw ang kasalo ko.

I may not be the right guy for you. I may not be the best man you met. But I hope,, somehow, i added color into your already colorful life.You added more colors into mine as well.

Someone who can make your heart smile, can also make it very sad.

The Hottest Love has the Coldest End - Socrates

saan nga ba napupunta ang mga biguang puso?

2009-08-16T00:25:00.000-07:00

it's hard to run from a feeling that haunts you every now and then, painful to tell your heart that you don't need it. you keep on pretending that you are better to be alone, when in fact you feel so empty. but why take chances if you see no hope? why try if there's nothing to win for? sometimes it pays to wait. never hurry. let infatuation die a natural death and give birth to true love when it's time.

Everytime I hear people say, "What a small world." I kept on wondering, if the world is small, why is it that most of us hasn't found what makes us happy?

Sometimes I wonder why sunset is more colorful than sunrise. I guess it's an irony of life. "Sometimes, better things could really happen in saying goodbye..."

If she cheated with you, she'll cheat on you.

shit...

2009-08-15T04:07:00.000-07:00

ang sabog ko kagabi... ngayon ko lang talagang nahihinuha na totoo pa rin ang sinabi ko kahit sumikat na yung araw. ngayon ko lang nakukuha yung bigat.

ah, well.

yay-- now i can finally talk about other damn things.
:)

a beautiful mess

2009-08-15T00:08:00.000-07:00

what do you want me to say?

just.. anything? just so you can figure, "yeah he's okay."?

well, i am. i'm okay. --well, busy. but isn't that the same banana? you're busy, i'm busy.
i'm getting over you, i'm avoiding you.
Potaytoh-Tomaytoh.

sometimes, i stop to cry-- but only out of the tiredness i feel from all the effort i'm putting in just so i won't have to STOP. i need to keep moving, so i do. and lemme tell you, i am ti.red. physically. i am physically in pain most days, with a migraine to boot because i never realized how the entire EARTH is made up of things that remind me of you,and migraines result from fighting that cognition.
and the annoying thing is? ..at the end of the day-- less so now, but still-- at the end of the day, i still lay my head on my pillow, and think, "i wonder how her day went?"

when i look back, i think that at the oddest points in our lives, we did see or at least hear a lot of each other, but then i shake my head a little and realize that even given real events, the feeling of what so-and-so day or night was was probably only in my head. you could tell me otherwise, but would you? would you really?

you incredibly busy... son of a mother.

hays hays hays

2008-12-15T03:41:00.000-08:00

huh.

putangina, wala akong masulat.

.

you try to tell me that i'm clever but that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere, with you.

2008-10-24T21:12:00.000-07:00

Dont fall in love guys. Its just going to hurt.

mukhang malungkot ka sa headshot mo. anong nangyari?

2008-10-05T01:00:00.000-07:00

Buti pa mga students, sumesembreak na. Nagkaka summer break din. Konting ulan, cancelled ang pasok. Maski corny na joke, nakakatawa. Binibigyan pa ng baon. Pero kunsabagay, dami rin bawal. Tapos dami pa kailangan patunayan. Masaya pero pag naramdaman na ang palapit na real problems and real challenges ng real world, nakakatakot din.

Sus, baka di ko rin na enjoy student life ko kasi kinder pa lang ako, inaalala ko na ang mga gagawin ko paglaki ko (na hindi naman nagkatotoo). Gusto ko maging piloto pero narealize ko nung 2nd yr high school ako na wala naman palang pilotong chubby ang Pilipinas. Pinangarap ko nalang maging driver ng bus para araw araw, roadtrip.

yun lang.

you've got me spinning like a broken compass :D

2008-08-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

Kung ikaw ay isang chef, mas matutuwa ka bang nasasarapan ka sa luto mo pero di masyadong trip ng mga kumakain o di mo masyadong trip yung luto mo pero bentang benta naman sa iba?

Emo ba ako, inay?

heads up.

2008-06-06T05:11:00.000-07:00

Pure, raw, explosive pleasure!
Better than drugs, better than smack!
Better than a dope-coke-crack-fix-shit-s

hoot-sniff-ganja-marijuana-blotter-acid-ecstasy!
Better than sex, head, 69, orgies, masturbation, tantrism, Kama Sutra or
Thai doggy-style!
Better than banana milkshakes! Better than George Lucas's trilogy, the muppets and 2001! Better than Emma Peel, Marilyn, Lara Croft and
Cindy Crawford's beauty mark!
Better than the B-side to Abbey Road, Jimmy Hendrix and the first man on
the moon! Space Mountain, Santa Claus, Bill Gates' fortune, the Dalai
Lama, Lazarus raised from the dead! Schwarzenegger's testosterone
shots, Pam Anderson's lips!

Woodstock, raves... Better than Sade, Rimbaud, Morrison and Castaneda!

Better than freedom, BETTER THEN LIFE!

...a Thank You to you, my friends, who are larger than life. more than all the food we've ever
eaten these 23 years... : )

awaken.

2008-04-22T01:30:00.001-07:00

"two years down the toilet."

='(

2008-04-16T23:39:00.000-07:00

i want to go home.. but not to you. i've had enough of you. you and your story. my melancholy.
i want to go home to my friends, to my life, to someone else. to a new work, to a new start, to an end. finally.

pronto

2008-04-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

YES, my heart races. every goddamnn time.

now, it gets scary.. knowing that it isn't me doing the racy-heart thing on purpose.

i hate it. i hate knowing my happiness will now lie in someone's hands.
i love it. i love knowing my happiness can now lie in someone's hands.

that's not confused-jm. that's jm stepping up to the plate.

watch out, world, i'm ready to love again.

so whos's happy for me? are you happy for me?? let's be happy for me pleeease?

no. yes.

2008-04-14T23:31:00.000-07:00

life is chaotic right now. good chaos, bad chaos and everything else in between.
these days, i find myself spending a lot of time at the church reflectory and for a few quiet getting-away-from-life minutes, i sit and talk and i listen., "WAIT.", someone up there keeps saying to me. so i do.

I always say to my friends, you have to trust that whoever's out there will take away your pain if there's no reason for it anymore. there's no such thing as pointless pain. but pointless melancholy? all too much.

happy birthday to me!!!

2008-03-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

so here it is: the last minutes of birthday day.
i feel..... exhilerated, light, proud, a little down, a little antsy, of course happy though not completely; and a little bit more than just a little sad.
today on this day, i officially stopped being twenty-two and twenty-three has been feeling like too big a word lately. and then today, i thought a couple of good thoughts, hugged a couple of good friends and i finally felt good about it.
i'm not looking to twenty-four yet, but i'm looking forward to living twenty-three now.

so happy birthday to me.. and a happy twenty-life as well...

thanks to everyone who made me smile today! ;p

a lonely soul

2008-03-15T01:38:00.000-07:00

can you see; my soul is a glow.
can you hear me; my voice is crying out.
can you feel me; my arms are reaching out.
can you touch me; my body is aching.

i cannot die.
i cannot rest.
i am unable to lie down,
i did my very best.

my buddies, my pals, those still alive.
they went home, some no legs, only thighs.
no arms on some, just stumps,
but remember, freedom came high.

im left over here all alone
just a shell of a man.
my soul is restless and screaming;
please dont leave me here
bring me home where i belong.

i see in the distance a mound
the cross i see the nearer i get
there's a name on it; no not mine
maybe the next on down the line.
no place to lie for this restless soul.

realize

2008-03-13T22:28:00.000-07:00

" the sparkle in your eyes put the stars in shame. "

my forty-first

2008-03-10T23:52:00.000-07:00

no more lies.
no more pretending.
and... if after everything, you really will to have nothing more left for me, then let there be no more us.

i'm so tired of the words that pass between you and i. my lies, my pretentions, all said for convenience, for spite that never even last until the next day.
just read, please. and listen... to all i'm saying, and to everything i can't.

"i've asked you forty different ways. Marry me, june."
5 years, a drug addiction, 2 divorces, 3 kids and a hell of a whole lot of bickering later, two people who loved each other but just seemed destined to stay apart sat there. johnny cash asked june carter to marry him for the fortieth time, and she still said no. and he told her, with a face so convincingly decided that it felt so final, "well, that's the last time i'm asking, then."
and the very next day, he stopped singing in front of thousands and asked her his forty-first.

i don't know. i don't see how anyone could endure 40 rejections from someone they loved and every single time, live-- love-- enough to ask just one time more.
then again, i do. i understand it perfectly.
"NO."
how well we know it. i've said it, and you've said it, and we've thrown it at each other's faces in ways that seemed so convincingly final, and yet... it never is.

i can't say it to your face. i lose the nerve to fight for you when i hear you and your voice pounding it into my heart over and over again, "jm, I still can’t. di talaga matalo ng nararamdaman ko yung fear na masaktan ulit."
but you're my friend, and you should know even through all the doubt, to listen, instead, to what you do not hear.

so forgive me, if i say it now, if only so you know na wala na talagang lokohan:
HINDI KO GUSTONG BUMITAW. hindi ko ginustong magkaganito, hindi ko pinili na mahalin ka, hindi ko hiningi na bumalik ang panahon para magkita tayo ulit, hindi ko pinaplanong lokohin ka, hindi kita gustong saktan kahit kailan man.
at hindi ko na alam kung papaano pa ibubuhos ang kung anumang natitira pa sa puso ko, para lang masabi sa iyo ng harapan na bigyan mo ako ng pagkakataon pa.
mag-aaway tayo, magbabangayan, magkakaselosan, magsisigawan, maghihiwalay, magbabati...
but that's what we do! we fight... and everyday, i love you more and deeper than i ever have before. and right here, right now, all i feel is an overwhelming desire to say YES to the idiosyncracies, possibilities and all the wonderful impossibilities that we could ever live through.

no more lies.
no more pretending.
but... if after all of this, you really will to have nothing more left for me, then let there be
no more us.

But know this: if june carter had said no again, it would have hurt. so bad. and things like, "well that's the last time i'm asking, then" would have been said, but you see... if it's not because there's no love there anymore, then there is NEVER any reason to not try again.

this is my forty-first: i love you, michelle anolin.

pressure

2008-03-09T22:10:00.001-07:00

they keep asking me, "jm, don't you want to sleep yet?", "jm, isn't that finished yet? don't you feel tired already?"

*breathe in*
YYYYYYYYEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!
a million times, YYYEEEESSS!!!!! stop asking me, i swear, i WILL cry!!!!!!

*breathe in again*
i know you're all just looking out for me....
but this is what it is, and you won't help me by convincing me of how dead tired i will be if i don't rest soon.
seriously. you think i don't already know???

='(

hug?

runnning away

2008-03-08T22:04:00.000-08:00

…I hate you!!! I hate the way you never put vowels, I hate the way you say you’re ok. I hate the way you say no. I hate the way you smug, I hate you and I hate the way you bug my mind every time!!!

You know what else? i hate the way I hate you, and the fact that I cant't hate you at all

So I’m turning to indifference. If goodbye is what we need, then I’ll do it. Even a choice like this takes two, right? “I’ve lost you once; I think I can do it again.”

Don’t think I don’t love you, though, because I do.
With all my heart, I love you.
LYF, we said.
I just… can’t be with you. Just like you just can’t—don’t want to—be with me.
We’d kill each other, didn’t I say? And you never believed me, until now. Now, it actually looks like you finally do. Great

So here we go, I’m feeling great, the wind is blowing cold air and I have my last vacation week. I’ll be rid of that, and at the same time, you’ll be rid of me.
I know why we run, love. Because it’s all we’re weak enough to do.

So here we are, and even though I can’t say it to your face, because my stupid tear ducts would betray me beyond belief, I still can’t do this without saying goodbye.

Goodbye, you… two years. Huh. What a run, right? We played convincingly the part of two people who’d love each other above anyone else, through thick and thin, no matter what.

Good job Jm. Ang galing mo magtago. It’s already late. Way too late.

Bye, good luck, good everything. Good night. Ingatan mo sarili mo, you hear? Tawa lang sa lahat ng problema, sa kaibigan, sa barkada, sa trabaho at sa pamilya. Ingat lagi sa paglabas. Hinay lang po sa beer. At sa kape.

…...

…bakit ganon?
Bakit ganon, hindi ko matapos-tapos? The words keep coming out and yet, they never say what I actually mean…

Okay lang yan. Pizza lang katapat nyan, sabi nga nila. Haha! Coffee with some friends, late night parties, road trips…im free!!!

…haha, haven’t I always been?!

Yes…im free…

one chance for the two-year what if

2008-03-07T20:38:00.000-08:00

What if…
What if we were meant to love each other like this?
At two separate times.
Me when you don’t love me, then you when I don’t love you.

What if…
What if we just give it a little more time…?
…we could be dead, by then. Alive, but not too much.
Until we see each other again.
Until we love each other again.

What if…
What if we were never meant to be with each other at all?
And the journey we’re taking leads away from you and me.
I will love her, and you’ll worship him,
And we’ll still be happy…?

But what if…
You just kiss me the next time you see me?
And we’ll fight fate.
Because I’ll say yes to you, I will.
At this point in my life, and after this long, I still will.
But not for long.

So how about you just kiss me the next time, instead of your lame way of saying hi?

One chance. One LAST chance.

And then we’ll let the “what if’s” remain what if’s forever.

between a rock and a hard place.

2008-02-01T23:48:00.000-08:00

some things are just better left unsaid. thats a biggest lesson ive learned this week.

but if theres something eating you up inside, and you know that there is a chance things will change
drastically once its out in the open, what do you do?
do you keep your mouth shut and let it rot you slowly from deep within? or do you go ahead and say what you feel that needs to be said and wait for the shit to hit the fan?

and when the shit does hit the fan...do you sit there and take it knowing that things will probably be ok after? or walk away and close the door behind you, wondering whether you made the right decision?

whether its your girlfriend, your parents, and my case, once upon a time, your teacher...its so hard to try and make things right by speaking your mind when they think they've gotten you figured all out. they think they know you well enough to tell you off and say that youre wrong. because youre like this and that. because you have moodswings. because you smoked pot. or because youre just like your mother. its all the same. no second chances. and when they do give you a second chance --youre walking on thin ice forever. one simple mistake and all hell breaks loose. they point out every little thing thats wrong with you. then you finally come to the conclusion that maybe there is something wrong with you.

then you come up with this big bang theory of why things are the way they are.

oh **shhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeessshhh*

windows

2008-01-16T01:05:00.000-08:00

"like cliches converging at this navel of the world, you almost want to laugh."

whenever a friend of mine breaks up with someone, i tend to employ cliches like, "there's a reason for everything", or "well, when God closes a door, He opens a window..." and i always stuck to them, because i do-- i believe that they're cliches precisely because they're very very true, thus, very much applicable.

this is what happens when you look through the windows God opens for you.

...you're sitting at starbucks, sipping your short, skinny, decaf, no-whip peppermint mocha, having a "chillax" day with one of your closest friends and in walks this barista girl you've been seeing around for some time now. cute brunette, thick wavy hair, glassy brown eyes and lips that look good enough to ki-- umm-- to look at.
nice eyes, you think to yourself. AND she makes great coffee.
so you get your ass out of your chillax seat, make a beeline for the water station, which just happens to be sitiuated directly in front of her. "can i get some water?" you smile.
she pours you some water, and you pretend to just be having perfectly normal barista-customer eye contact. "thanks."

after a while, you come for your next fill of the day (of coffee, of course) and she smiles as if saying, "hey, you're back." you stare daggers at your friend who's threatening to say something, so you make an item of her and that other barista, the small, cute and... small one; and it suffices to shut him up... somehow.

- "a short, skinny, decaf, no-whip peppermint mocha please. thank you, i love you.", you say, as usual.
- "umm.. decaf... no whip?", she asks. and normally, you'd already have thought, slooow, except that she looked cute fumbling about.
- so, "yeah.", is all you say.
...
"what's your name again...?" she asks.
and all that's on your mind is, again, she said?? yesss!!!
"Jm."
"'excuse me?"
"Jm. it's JM."
"...Jm." she smiles back.
and you're thinking, well that's that. but suddenly...
"so... you wanna avail some of our mugs and tumblers?
she asks, and she points to the board above you: Buy a Mug and Tumbler. Spark a Hope Foundation.
Huh. Sure!
"do i really need to purchase 1?? kasi i already have one eh..." smooth, Jm.
Great conversational skills.
" yeah, you need to purchase atleast one of those..."
"..okay.", you smile, but you're thinking, yay!!! she's not barooook!!!!... stop it Jm. focus. CHA-RI-TY.

she gives you your drink and you just happen to notice how nice and woman-ish her hands look like.
"thanks", you smile again.
"...so you'll come back to buy 1...?" ms. hot-barista says.
"yeah", you smile. "siyempre." and you can't help it anymore, you say, "sorry, what's your name...?"
"erika." yay! ms. hot-barista has a hot-barista name!
"alright, i'll look for you." so you flirt a little.

"it's okay.", you imagine God saying. "you're depressed. heartbroken. Go, flirt a little, my child."

then you go home and you thank God for open windows and you go look for cash left on your unwashed jeans to come back and buy 1...

the end.

...strictly fiction. kind of. haha.

ulan

2007-11-04T18:17:00.000-08:00

Lunes na, ala-sais palang gising nako. di ko alam kung bakit at di rin ito normal para sakin. puyat naman ako kagabi kasi alas dos nko nakatulog. may pasok nanaman ako mamaya.di ako masyadong nakatulog dahil siguro may mabigat akong dinadala ngayon.hindi ako buntis. di rin nkabuntis. pero may sakit na nararamdaman na higit na mas masakit sa kahit ano pa mang karamdaman.

sana nga may sakit nalang ako. ung tipong kayang pagalingin ng simpleng parasetamol. sipon, simpleng lagnat, sakit ng ulo. pero ang hirap talaga pag ang sakit mo eh sakit sa puso.

purong kalungkutan. yan ang sakit ko. di ko alam kung nagkataon lang na sumabay ang ulan sa lungkot na nararamdaman ko.

sabi nga ng professor ko nung college, "Hindi isyu kung gaano kalakas ang ulan.Kahit ambon lang, parang may kakaibang damdamin ang dinadala ng bawat patak ng tubig nagaling sa langit."

pero sa ngayon, ang tanging hiling ko lang eh sana makaimbento na sila ng gamot parasa kalungkutan para sumaya na lahat ng tao. mga taong may dinadalang kalungkutan tulad ko.

tanong ko rin sa sarili ko ngayon eh...

"sumaya man ako sa ibang bagay, Sa ngayon, hindi ko pa nalalaman kung ano ang silbi ng mga tawa na, kahit galing sa akin, hindi ko makita."

fallback

2007-11-04T10:37:00.000-08:00

i wonder why there are people who's living in god's great earth who's role is just to be a "fallback".

- i know. coz i am.

twenty-two years and counting... i always see myself on broken-hearted people's back, sharing thoughts, giving advise, pampering and giving comfort. in short... "fallback".

i aslo wonder if god occasionally creates people who's role is just to be someone else's shock absorber. i dunno if WE are destined to be like this. to give other human being assurance that everything will be alright.

actually, i really dont know how to start because someone keeps on bugging my mind right at the moment. im too confused of what should i feel because i dunno if that someone takes me seriously.

i know she's still in pain. still hurting. but can you blame me? i'm just relying on this two ideas.

1. since this is the second time that we became closer maybe god give's me a second chance to tell you how much you mean to me. and maybe god is telling me to grab this opportunity to say it all to you, girl of my dreams.

2. you're hurt. just like what i did the first time, comfort you. since god knows how important you are to me, and maybe god knew that with me, you're safe.

but...

this thing makes me confused, whenever we text, it seems like we're serious to what we are saying like when i told you that i love you, you told me that you do to. but, whenever we're together, it seems like we're just regular friends. or maybe im too afraid to tell you what am i feeling.

and you told me that you want to prove something.

a special person whom i talked to last night told me that your just confused, because you're still hurting. trying to forget that guy. maybe that's why you dont want to talk to me seriously, defense mechanism..yeah... maybe...

i'll just stick to those priceless memories that "i" build around us. hoping that sooner, that hurting heart of you'rs will heal to set you free. and if ever that happens, im praying to god that hopefully, that renewed heart of yours could beat again

but hopefully, beats for me.

but for now, ill just left things unsaid.

i died tonight

2007-10-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

i died tonight.

with every tear i shed

i feel that a little piece of my heart goes with it.

but i had shed so many tears..

is there anything left for my heart?
apparently yes.

because i can still feel it breaking.

i wish there was a way to make my heart whole again.

it was pumping with so much love.

now it's struggling to beat.

what went wrong? i dont know.

perhaps it's true that anything in excess is bad.

too much trust. too much love.

still too much.

and though my heart has been reduced into an insignificant snit

and that insignificant snit beats irregularly,

that existing part beats

only for her.

remnants of my heart still belongs to me.

but i have lost everything else.

keep faith, hold on.

2007-10-22T12:32:00.000-07:00

Keep faith. Hold on.
i trust enough to keep strong

----

be still. remember.

the time's too late for waking

and sanity and cautiousness

be none; in love be taken

the whispers, the shaking

perspective serves to hush

i won't let moonrise tell me

no sunrise dreams for us

time's already told you

our beaten hearts are strong

let go, let go of doubt and fear

----

Keep faith, my friend, hold on.

three

2007-09-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

in my whooole life, and of aaaaall my crushes in the whole wide world, there are probably only THREE people that i could purposely and lovingly wait for.
three. that seems like a lot for some people, but if you knew me.. you'd know three was already actually kind of small. relatively speaking, i mean.

so anyway. three.

there's this one gal whom i've probably had a crush on since i stopped drinking milk from my baby bottle. i think i liked her ever since i became friends with one of my best friends in the whole world, who just happened to be her sister. so one day, i was over at their house, and she's making french toast for me (we were 6, go figure.) and she comes down the stairs in her ugly boxer shorts and her ripped shirt, and without acknowledging me or my fresh no-stain self at all, she said. "french toast. make some for me, thanks."..... and that was it. i was hooked.you, my longest-time crush ever. i like you in all your dorky ways and pseudo-stoic farawayness.

oh, and the stereotype friend. 7 years, has it been? you went from scrawny 2nd-yearer to this. good lord, how do i describe you without giving away who you are? i don't know anything if not specifics about you. the color of your bathroom paraphernalia, the mcdonalds meal you like most, and the extremely girly-way you handle academic reading. you, i love in all sincerity, and although we're at the point where something happening would completely make or break everything we've ever had--if we ever had any-- sometimes, i still think, "maybe.. may be."

then you. ah, how do i describe you? you, the “bronze-skin-apple-eyed-looking-great-in-skinny-jeans” , the endless voice in my head these past few days-- on my goddamn morning hallucinations with myra and pau.(I know guys, im crazy…) give me a few more months and i'll really really believe that we really are meant for each other.(I just need to make sure that “crater man” will be out of my way :]) we're the two souls who are so one that we can't seem to settle within each other anymore. you, i love it when you smile to me, and life would be perfect if i didn't think too much. or if you thought things through a little more. or if i really just didn't think too much.i don't know... will you wait for me? will i always just want you from bays afar? wait for me a little more, maybe i need just a little more time... or i'll just live with broken heart again.

three.
three unexplicably weighty desires. wishes. hopes. fears. ...what-if's.what-if's that i don't if i want to come true anymore.
what-if's that i'm okay with remaining what-if's because then i would never know.and i'll live with a broken heart forever. but at least, i'd never hear a NO. never a YES.. but never NO either.

yeah.......

on the top of truth-hill.

2007-09-15T07:48:00.000-07:00

hey up there, are you listening?

well, it's the month of September again, and this year marks the 11th month you've been gone from my life. from all our lives.

lesh said, "they say death is merely the end of a life; not the end of a relationship."

WHERE ARE YOU? you haven't taken me with you but i must be following somewhere close behind. WHERE AM I?

where are you up there in the stars?? do you see me, feel me from all the way down here loving you with all that's left of me? i am fear, sorrow and love. that isn't much to speak of anymore, but you said that we'd make sense of what we had, no matter what, right?

...people refer to lives as if they're pies that one may add or subract to. i see my life as more of a broken-- shattered-- mirror. everything's just... THERE; and nothing fits. its supposed to fit, but mine doesn't. it's supposed to echo the beauty of other people's lives and somehow, after you left me, everything just fell apart. now, everything's there, little shards and pieces of broken glass stealing little shards and pieces of what beauty i find in others.

i am nothing but fragments of a whole that just won't make sense.

HOW DO YOU MAKE IT MAKE SENSE AGAIN? up on top of our terrace overlooking the lights of the street and the dark roofs of some small houses, i tried to convince you all -- convince MYSELF-- that i tried to; that i tried to make everything fit. and then, with no compuncton or second thoughts whatsoever, a close friend said to me, "stop lying. you never tried to put anything back together. and stop pitying yourself, stop punishing yourself for being alive. SHE'S GONE. say that over and over again until you get it. she. is. gone. stop saying 'i hate me'. you're stronger than this. you know how i know? because she's been gone for 11 months and you're still here."

i just sat there, thinking, willing my girl-friend with all my might to stop saying the goddamn truth out loud. "how do you say to someone: 'START.'?" hindi nyo ba alam [don't you know] how much it takes to just start? what more start AGAIN??"

and then one of the three girls sitting beside me-- i don't who.. someone-- said, "then don't. don't start. just...... stop dying."

some people close themselves when they experience loss. we all have our coping tactics. mine was overcapacitating in letting people in. i kept thinking that if i could fit one face in every shred of glass that broke, somehow, it would make sense without me. i never thought that maybe i wasn't actually a part of it. I was supposed to piece it together.

HOW? how? how? how?

where do i sign up for life rebeginnings? to whom do i say I Love you to?(and really mean it) how do i feel like i'm not betraying myself and not losing you?

my broken pieces are all i have. and they are all i have left of you and i and you&i. if i piece myself back together, will you become a mere ghost; merely someone from before? they said you will ALWAYS be with me because i would not be who i am now if you did not go away. but see, I am a sad, overcapacitated person, still in love with how we could have loved each other, helping tens and hundreds of people everyday so as to avoid helping myself.

i help. i teach. i sing. i bathe. i laugh. i joke. i lead. i move. but i don't live and i don't love; at least, not in the way we thought i could.

i want to start. my heart wants to love so badly.

someone tell me how to.

que que natora, mother willow said.

2007-09-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

i don't like taking back things i've already said. but you've made me do lots of other things i never thought i had the courage, gall or lack of pride to do, so why should this be any different, right?

my god, how i miss you.
i shouldn't; but i do.
when i whined about how physically close you still were and how hard it was for you to still BE in my life, i tried SO hard to let you go that i never realized how doubly hard it would be WITHOUT you.
god, how i miss you.

some people may see this as weakness because it seems like i CAN'T let go of you.
some people may see it as strength because it seems like i really WON'T let go of you.
...i want to believe the latter. i want to believe that someday, i will prove to you, to everyone, but mostly to myself that i can love in the way i always thought i would love.
I WANT TO FIGHT FOR YOU.

don't get me wrong... i'm not a "violence" kind of person, so don't expect any bloodshed here. (or boxfights for that matter.) but silently willing you to SEE me, i will fight for you in the ways that made me like you, hoping that they will suffice in making you realize how much you like me too. and here i am, starting with not letting go.

don't make me explain why, because i can't. don't make me promise that i won't change my mind tomorrow, because maybe it will. ...my mind changes a lot, you know that.

but my heart...? that doesn't change too often.

high flying

2007-09-15T07:17:00.000-07:00

there's something about being on the road that just sends me up higher.

i love being on the road, watching houses, trees, people and everything on it start looking like lightning, shrinking at the back of my car, become little ants and eventually, simply fade away. i like how the scope of what you can see gets bigger and bigger as you go up nearer. in a sense, being on the road makes feel sooo big that in the end, i always feel so humbled, so small. am i making sense?
i like how i feel so light going on smooth asphalts as if the land i was leaving contained everything that weighed on my chest and i was flying away from it. i like how my heart crunches just a little bit and a big bit everytime i leave land behind.
land is what i truly know. i am a child of the earth. i was born upon soil, and my connection with its spiritually grounding and humbling nature and everything that resides upon it is one that always pulls a little on my heartstrings everytime we say goodbye. its a bit like saying goodbye to my mother's womb, i reckon.

but i love the highways, i do. on air, you think about how alone you are and it doesn't quite sink in because there is already too much to see, that more often that not, ,what should have felt like being ALONE seems more like LONELINESS.
up in the streets where only those with rims can spin upon its waves of blackish puff, you feel alone but somehow, loneliness does not quite creep in. loneliness is a feeling based on UN-loneliness, i think; while alone is... just alone. on the road where you are nothing to nobody, you have no one left to be but yourself. i like that.

i love the road because its the closest i get to everything, really. i love the road because its the closest i get into something, to the infinite. i love the road because, as i leave all the people whom i have ever interacted with, people who have formed big and small opinions of how i am as a person, its the closest i actually get to ME.

things to do tomorrow

2007-09-05T18:52:00.000-07:00

Some kid's to-do list. Hell, why can't my life be this simple?

Childhood rocks.

prize broken heart. come back to me, love.

2007-08-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

prize.
it means you're number one at something.
well, i say i have a prize - broken heart. what does that say?

it's so embarassing to admit, and i can't believe that it took a movie to make me realize it, but i just really really really want want want to love someone right now.

I'M SORRY.

forget all the bull i fed everyone before about not needing anyone and being happy single and all that red-bottomed blah blah blahs. i've had it. i've had enough of being strong all by myself.

i love love. and i love loving. i give hugs warmer than most, i kiss in ways that make your undies melt and when we feel like it, i talk sweet in ways i'd never admit.

i..... i overestimated being alone. i liked not having to take care of anybody, not having anyone to give a blow by blow account to. i liked tv nights and barkada nights where i get to do any goddamn brainless thing i wanted, BUT...like all mediocre things, the high wore out the night i finished all the kitkats.and then there was nothing.

god, i feel like such a loser. everyone wants someone to love, and it came so easily for me; it came without compunction and without my having to ask for it. and there i was, feeling like it was too boring and uninvited to be enough of a challenge; nothing and no one was enough to keep me.

SO I LEARNED TO BE LONELY.

i learned to push away easy happiness, mistaking uninvited for unwelcomed. i learned not to trust fate, thinking that i always had to deserve what i got, so i worked for it.. all of it. i got tough, i got strong, i became so dependently independent that it hurt.

and now here i am, years later..... alone. just like i always wanted to be. lonely.

was it worth it, jm?

now you have all the challenge you need: letting people in, letting them know you're in the vulnerable position of needing happiness....dylan mcdermott said, "the hardest thing is to love someone.. and having the courage to let them love you back." don't i know.

but i'll find my way. i'll find my way back to you, i promise. give me time, i just need some time. some time, and a hell of a whole lot of patience. i know i have no right to ask, because i didn't give it any thought at all when i decided that i didn't need you anymore but i'm asking anyway, and i hope that that says something about where i am right now. i have nothing but hope, and a pocket full of lint. i'm emptied out, and i need you in ways that makes my pride hurt much more than just a lot.

love, can you hear me?

wait for me. i'll find my way back to you.

something made on a lonely airport train terminal.

2007-08-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

Terminals are sad, bitter places to me. It's a place of painful goodbyes, last embraces, and final glimpses of loved ones, before the terminal swallows them up.

Maybe someday, those terminals will become a happy place when it returns someone I love to me.

***sigh...***

the shining

2007-07-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

hi, old friend.

i have taken to writing again, and i don't know what it means.all i know is that i am awake, and i very disturbingly realize that it's a midnight again.

lately, it's becoming clearer to me how pointlessly roundabout most thoughts are instead of simple and succint, like they should be.

i wish... i wish life didn't work like a roundabout.

i wish people could stop coming home feeling like too little butter spread on too much bread. haha, i'm sorry, i don't know what the point is. i have such random thoughts and all of them point to so many other thoughts: pointFULL, although they lead me everywhere and they eventually get me so lost that they point to nothing, really. roundabout pointfulness becomes so point.....LESS.

*nervous laugh*

i'm sorry.. i may be wasting 2 minutes of your life here, but i just don't know how to reconcile myself with not thinking.. and yet, keeping all of life in stride.

how do we just feel how we feel when... when------------------

when there's nothing to understand, because it's in EVERYTHING..? you come home exhausted, after a day not unlike any other. But just the coming home-- to her, to him-- becomes the event that makes it one of the most gloriously lived days you've ever had.

...and the coming through the garage becomes the point.the very ordinary dinner is the point. everyday we hustle are the point. and we... we become the WHY.

after dinner, i go back to the bedroom and i lie tired on the blue quilt that covers my bed. i'm thinking of nothing, and staring at you so simply saturates me until i have no more of my usual roundabout questions. and i imagine you looking at me with such playful eyes, and you smile as if you knew that right there was all i wanted to be. you are cocky and sheepish and i'd never felt so full.

you fiddle around with your computer while i breathe deep and let mysef surrender to the tiredness i feel. then you smile and soft guitar starts playing...

"Faith pours from your walls, drowning your calls Ive tried to hear, you're not near. Remembering when I saw your face Shining my way, pure timing"

Now, I smile. it's a quiet moment and i am caught off guard. i bury my head in my pillow and i stop feeling afraid. i only feel happy.

"Now Ive fallen in deep, slow silent sleep Its killing me, Im dying"

Ah, my favorite line. actually, the only line i memorized.i lift my face from my pillow and i try not to show you the tears welling up in my eyes. you've touched me.

"To put a lil bit of sunshine in your life"

...you're just looking at me, and you look at me like you really see me.My smile fades now as i hold my hand out for you to accept.'come to bed', i whisper

"But now I'm dry of thoughts, wait for the rain Then it's replaced, sun setting"

"....And suddenly we're in love with everything...."

Your hands are strong and warm over mine and your eyes are happy. I want to thank you, but your face is buried in my chest. It's a quiet moment. And we-- i think-- were both caught off guard.

------------

This is for you. the 'thank you' i never got to say, for -- i don't know-- the song? for the embrace, and the quiet, and the fullness.

for us, who love amidst roundabout thoughts.

for YOU-- when all that's right is to feel the way you feel when you're in the arms of the one you should be with.

YOU ARE THE POINT.

the greatest pain in life...

2007-06-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

THE GREATEST PAIN IN LIFE is not to die, but to be IGNORED. To lose the person you love so much to another who DOESN'T CARE AT ALL. To have someone you care about so much throw a party... and not tell you about it. To have people THINK that you don't care.

THE GREATEST PAIN IN LIFE is not to die, but to be FORGOTTEN. To be left in the dust after another's great achievement. To never get a CALL from a friend,just saying "hi". When you show someone your INNERMOST thoughts and they LAUGH in your face. For friends to always be too BUSY to console you when you NEED someone to lift your spirits. When it seems like the only person who UNDERSTANDS and cares about you, is YOU.

LIFE IS FULL OF PAIN but does it ever get better? Will people ever care about each other, and make time for those who are in need? Each of us has a part to PLAY in this great show we call life. Each of us has a DUTY to mankind to tell our friends we love them. If you do not care about your friends you will not be PUNISHED.

You will simply be IGNORED...
FORGOTTEN...
as you have DONE to others.

Seek Release and Unity

2007-02-25T08:34:00.000-08:00

Take refuge in nature,
Escape the stress
And strain of everyday existence.
Bask in the solitude of nature,
Be yourself,
Seek rest, and recuperate.

Spend summer time in the country,
Experience unity and meaning
Denied by society.
Love the city and the countryside
With equal measure,
And seek release from the torments of existence.

Relax and listen to your favourite music,
Seek release from social disappointments,
And the strain of everyday existence.
Embrace the beauty and healing power of nature,
Love yourself and others
With equal measure.

Experience unity,
Search for meaning,
Enjoy living in your own body.
Relax,
Heal yourself,
And seek release from the torment of existence.

a start to a new life..

2007-02-04T08:44:00.000-08:00

Our senior year is over
I'ts time again indeed
To say goodbye to all your friends
Pack up and leave
Books are being returned
Grades are becoming final
Our College years are over.

Never think it wasn't worth it,
You're leaving with
Much more then you brought
Whether it may be more knowledge
More confidence
Or more friends by your side
You always have these
Last few years to look back and smile
Walk across the stage
Flaunt our best suites
Those days of struggle are over
A new life to face
I'ts our Graduation day...

Congratulations to the 3 of us

I'ts our time to shine! Cheers!

the fame of magic

2007-01-21T07:06:00.000-08:00

(An Ode to a friend - CHITO)

You have departed from us; they all used to say that./

What proofs have they that you have left us forever/

In a far somewhere we know nothing of?/

You have not ceased to live,/

for death is the only start of a life eternal.//

We envision you in the special chores we do;/

We hear you pluck the guitar through the reckoning of time;/

Your boisterous laughter enveloped the milieu and our atmosphere of friendship.//

You certainly have not perished:/

We are always moved by your senses which we prefer unsaid.../

At moonstruck, the stars unendingly glow;/

With the fading moon comes the thoughts of you:/

that you are like the moon that fades but strikes anew./

and thus,/

the magic was cast...//

*** we miss you tito! ***

bye.

2007-01-01T07:28:00.000-08:00

"enough", the guy from love actually said. "enough now."

This... is a goodbye letter.

i find that i can't... not want to look at you forever. i have to take care of me. i don't expect you to take care of me, but i have to take care of me. and if you can't stay for this... i won't hold a grudge."

i see you, and i feel like.. i don't want to be you.

i don't want to hold a grudge. and as hurtful as it is, accepting how much i cared for you because i allowed you to break me, i can't-- won't-- let you take responsibility for piecing me back together. Because i won't have anything left.
because i had plans.

finn said, "see, you do this thing where you stop making plans. because you had plans, and then [something happens] and your plans disappear."

i had plans. and they were good plans. but you came and i made plans but i left and they disappeared. then you came back and you sort of broke me, and you broke the plan, woman. and i just didn't know how to make wanting the plans to come true disappear...... i was undone.
but i didn't want to hold a grudge, because i still HAVE plans, and so i tried to move along as far as my pieces would carry me.

OH SCREW THE PLANS!!!!!!!!

...have i ever told you, though.... that you being in my life was the first time i ever made any sort of claim into the future? You were going to be my future-person. i was going to list you down under that little space in my planner for emergency contact person. Yeah.. you were my person. Isn’t that a hoot?!

Just a reminder

2006-12-25T09:37:00.000-08:00

Many things remind me of you; even the simplest thing makes me think of you. Before I start my day, I see bacon and ham on the dining table for my breakfast, ill smile and say to myself, “she’s there…” my financial statements, balanced sheets and accounting papers, I remember you, the songs that you used to sing to me when we were together, the song “never let you go” that stucked on my mind that was played when we were having our meal at the mall, every time I see that “м” sign of McDonald’s or even when I eat at that fast food chain, reminds me of you again.

My Peruvian guinea pig, which you named after me, whenever I see color pink, or even butterflies, your face comes first on my mind. Before I come home, I always pass on this street where a branch of Lapid’s is located, I remember you again because it’s your favorite. When I see kids outside playing marbles, I just pause for a while then suddenly catch myself thinking of you, every time I pass by Roxas boulevard, I see the bay, I see you. I know I look stupid, pathetic and a sorry looser but I just want you to remember that I will cherish all these happy moments of my life even if its just a short one. I will be missing those hands caressing my tummy; I will miss the girl who calls me an addict every time I crack some jokes. I’ll miss those times we were eating together. I’ll miss your text messages; I’ll miss that piece of cloth you wore around your neck when you’re in uniform. I’ll miss teasing you. I’ll miss you saying “ewan ko sayo….”. I’ll miss going to SM sucat and Mall of Asia with you. I’ll miss talking with you beside the shore before sunset. And lastly, I’ll be missing YOU. You’re smiles, your fair skin, the weird noise you make when you laugh hard, the simplicity and the comfort that you gave to me. You will always remain here in my heart, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to love you like this but I’m sure you’ll feel the tenderness, thanks for all, your presence is one of the best things that life ever slapped me.***

I’m living in this world for 21 years now, but when I learned to love you I didn’t think that I can survive a day without you, but now its different, I have to be strong and learn to let go. As what I’ve said to you before, the world doesn’t stop me from grieving. Anyway, good luck on your life ahead. Thanks again, I’ll always remember you.

***i think we should go our seperate ways, we'll be just fine.

glances...

2006-12-15T07:59:00.000-08:00

right now I feel as if I'm one of the choices. And what's even more difficult is that I also feel as if I have to do the choosing as well.

I didn't think we'd be like this. Ever.

Maybe because I always thought what we had was enough for me to not be one of those people whom that person will eventually forget or let go of. Or maybe it's my fault. Because I'm also letting go.

STOP BEING A PESSIMIST! haha... you waste your neurons thinking of stuff that are not really worth it in the long run.

eat, drink, be merry! there's always a reason to be happy!

it's that glance, the one you throw so shyly and discreetly, not wanting to be seen. never wanting to be felt, because it would feel too.... needy.

i feel...BROKEN without you. but i'm getting along well, nonetheless because the world was right. we'd be okay in any case. but sometimes, just because you're my special friend, i still think of you. not that often anymore, but i still do....you're my special friend. ...isn't that stupid? we've bitten, broken and gotten profusely angry at each other, but things are what they are, and i live in this world everyday, where for everything that reminds me of you, i just give that glance. my days are filled with glances.

i.. i wish we could stop long enough to explain to each other everything that wasn't. i wish i could look at you and say, "don't worry. we just have no scars to show for happiness, but we're doing okay. right?" ...and you'll nod. and, contented, i'll walk away and take the chances i keep passing up to be with another. a good one, but another.

just one glance more. if we ever see each other again, you'll see it. if you ever look at me again, you'll know it, and i hope you'll still know all it ever wished to say. please tell me we haven't lost that too. because that, of all things, meant much... to me, at least. you meant a whole lot to me.
and all we have now are glances...

just glances.

Paalam

2006-12-14T00:13:00.000-08:00

kahit ngayon lang. hayaan mo lang akong magpakahina.

i can't think straight, because my heart is battling so fiercely with my pride. and it's losing, i have to tell you, because it's tired of fighting alone.

my heart is bursting with so much sadness and the feeling seems so foreign. HEARTBREAK, i think they call it. and i've never felt it, because i've always been the one who ran away. so thank you for teaching me to stay, at the very least.

have no words, Lord. none. if i love you isn't acceptable, then there's nothing left to say but goodbye.

ngayong gabi lang. hayaan mo lang ako magpakahina ngayong gabi, dahil yun at yun lang ang nararamdaman ko. bukas, balik tawa nanaman. bukas, paalam na. kaya ngayong gabi, iiiyak ko nalang lahat ng pagmamahal

kung nababasa mo to, mag-ingat ka lagi, mahal. wala nang tanungan kung kamusta ka, kung anong oras kang makakauwi. inalisan mo na ako ng karapatan. at okay lang. kasi okay naman tayo, hindi ba? okay ka, okay ako. ...kung okay ka, okay ako. okay narin na wala nang tayo.basta tandaan mo lang na kahit saan pa tayo pumadpad, kahit minsang maisip mo lang ako, kahit kailan, nandito ako para sayo.

kahit tapos na. tanggapin mo lang na mahal kita, kahit walang kapalit, okay na.

most days

2006-11-21T22:44:00.000-08:00

The trouble with true happiness—that kind of happiness— is that, in the event of winning your prize, you let someone else lose. The most hurting thing to realize when thinking that you’re not with the one you love is that the reason for this is that she with a NOT you. And while they’re off gallivanting happily together, somewhere, someone else will always be sitting at home, typing into his dingy pc the thoughts and feelings that can never be said, never be expressed, or simply, never be. To add a bit of acid to the situation is the ghastly realization that the NOT you she’s with, the one who cost you your happiness, is a friend. Being that, you begin to hate her, all the while not wanting to hate her but still hating her, ergo, you begin to hate yourself for hating her—hating them—because you DON’T want to hate them but you still do! It’s a vicious circle really, one that unforgivingly ridicules you in the fact that you roll with the circle so that every curved point is one after another, always brutally and painfully climatic.

The paradox of letting go is this: you hold on until you can’t anymore, but before that point, you bear your cross. For better people, it’s a struggle of loving someone so much that your dreams are overlapped by HER dreams, your wants are replaced by her wants and your happiness lies in her. And there, at that point of incredible love… you let her go.

Someone once said that I loved selfishly. She said this after my saying that in order to forget a person, I had to have a reason to hate her first. AM I selfish? Am I selfish for not being happy for the people who make me miserable by being together? I love her and, given that he will not see if that could serve to make her happy by loving me back, I found an alternate means of achieving that goal: I backed off. Is it selfish that I not jump for joy at the sight of her being deliriously happy without me??? I let him be happy. It doesn’t mean that I have to be happy myself. That—pain stacked upon pain—would just be asking too much. Most days I will see her smiling, most days with him—smiling with him, smiling because of him, and it hurts. i can’t help it, it just does.

The pain is that irony they call bittersweet. It’s a sense of knowing that you gave someone so great a gift that you did, indeed, become a part of this happiness she’s feeling and at the same time, a knowing that the reaching of that part of your goal is precedent to the fact that, while you are a part of it, you’ll never be the whole of it, or the cause of it. At my breaking point, I just wish and wish to forget her and remind myself over and over of every bit of pain that she makes me feel until, one day, I just stop. Hate, I believe, is merely one of the casualities, along with many others, that litter my battlefields.

believe me. i know.

Most days, you just hurt. Most days, you just take out your laptop and type. Most days, maybe ALL days, you’ll be typing about thoughts and feelings that can never be said, never be expressed and simply, never BE.

ENDURE

2006-11-20T23:31:00.000-08:00

I've been going out...

dont get me wrong. it's been fun. I love my girls.

pero I thought I can forget what happened. forget you.

I'm still failing....

hay... It's not na ma-pride ako. I mean I know you poured your heart out sa letter na yun and I just replied in a cold galit manner. Kahit na I was ready to forgive you at that moment. tell you

it's-okay-I-understand-let's-not-fight-anymore-okay?-I'm-here-na-ulit-don't-worry.

pero I'm just really really tired of doing that. At some point, I need to stand for myself. have some guts. decide. really decide. not just you.

destructive together, or not... my friends would always remind me.

it's always a lose-lose situation no matter how we see it. we both lost na in this little game of ours.

I'm sorry.

I haven't really said that.. but yeah.. I'm sorry. You are not to blame for everything.

you dont know HOW MUCH I miss you. and you'll never will.

THIS has to be the end. for our sake.

Endure.

i gave you this

2006-11-20T23:10:00.000-08:00

"the most tragic thing is how beautiful tragedy seems in retrospect."

WHAT AM I TO YOU?

the beautiful tragedy
your most awaited guy
your shock absorber
your escape from reality
your boon companion when you're raging horny
friend
lover
enemy
best friend
nothing
or everything.
SOMEONE. just someone.

******* AS IF! ******

every moment we touch, every time we see each other, every moment i close my eyes and every single time i feel your hands on mine, i am telling you,

"I LOVE YOU. I don't want to leave you but i know i'll have to, and as everyday bring us closer to being apart, i want to spend as much time as i can right there, in your arms. give me this. let me be selfish another couple of months more, and in no time at all, it'll be over. i'm not asking you to give your life to me, i'm not asking you for the love that could have been ours, mine. but i am saying, 'let us get hurt. if you want us to be, then let us be. stop thinking about tomorrow'. because in all nakedness and honesty, even you know that ALL WE HAVE IS TODAY. this, right here. and all i'm asking is that you hold my hand in yours and know, at the very least, that you hold my hand, my heart, and my life. you hold me and all i want, really, is to hold you too."

i won't say it out loud, because it'll scare you away. don' tell me it won't, because i know. i won't delude myself into thinking that when you give us a night, you give us forever.
i know. and i'm trying to understand.
all because i..... well, you know why, right?

i don't know what's going to happen. i don't know what life will be like with you, without you, you and i with someone else. i don't have answers, sorry.

all i want to say, i can't say. because-- using words that only serve to cover what i'm truly feeling-- if you really want it, i give you this:
freedom. from me.

Love

2006-11-16T23:54:00.001-08:00

it went something like, "i thought you were just too screwed up to love anyone. maybe you really just can't love ME."

it was the highlight-- the lowlight-- of my day, and it hasn't left my mind since.

my friend and i were talking at mitc today (where i seem to find myself everyday. sitting, talking, running away.) and we were wondering about choice and the irrationality of loving.

we make sense of the irrationality of how we can't help how our hearts just up and choose the person it'll give itself to, by choosing to make the chaos work. it's a choice to make love grow every single day, my mom says.

and we've never chosen that, lyf. we never wanted to.at least, never at the same time.

loss, lost and losing/
is the price to pay/
when hearts like ours/
never find each other at the same place at the same time//

you, lost. I, losing. / you, losing. i, lost./
and loss is what we do or do not cry./
loss, lost and losing/ here and there forever/you and i.//

the word for us is tiring. we love but never try to make love work."love isn't enough", wise men say. there has to be a choice involved for you and i to walk together, instead of just meeting sporadically along the way.

we never made that choice. we're not making it right now.

mahal kita. pero hindi mo gustong magmahalan tayo.

and we-- you and i-- will lose more people this way. yours and mine included, we will break more than another couple of hearts.because, lyf, this isn't the way love grows.

"loss, lost and losing...

"this... is the perfect way it dies.

Orgy...(it's not what you think...)

2006-11-14T22:57:00.001-08:00

The Bottom Line:

It's hard to be objective when feelings are at stake, but organization will help.

In Detail:

It can be hard to be totally objective when your feelings are at stake, but if you can separate your emotions from what you need to do right now, you will be able to swing it with little if any difficulty. Organization could be a surprising aid for you right now. Getting your life together will give you a complete overview of your issues , making your first move obvious. Prioritization will be key to staying on top of things and staying strong.

jm = happy. inlove. tormented.

2006-09-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

it's easy to fall inlove with someone...i think i am right now...and i just want to let her know this:

i may find a thousand others who laugh the same way, smile the same way and even talk the same way,
but i will never find someone who makes my heartbeat worth every thump, every rush and every release...like you the way you do...

"there's a spot in my heart that will never belong to anyone but YOU."

for you.

2006-09-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

i love you
we were once together,
i was too shy for my own good,
i had plenty of chances to tell you how i feel about you,
i regret that i did not speak to you because i hardly ever get to see you,
now, i want things to go back the way they were,
everyday i remember your face...
your presence made me feel better.
thanks for hopping on my jeepney...
even if you hav'nt got that far,
i really had a great ride.

pinoy truisms

2006-06-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

mga ka-bullshitan na one-liner ng mga pinoy na dapat sundin d lang ng mga bata kundi pati na rin mga nakakatanda.

"ang buhay ay parang bato, it's hard."

"it's better to be late than Pregnant"

"behind the clouds are the other clouds."

"it's better to cheat than to repeat."

"do unto others....then run!"

"kapag puno ng ang salop, kumuha ng panibagong salop."

"magbiro ka na sa lasing, wag lang sa bagong gising."

"when all else fails, follow instructions."

"aanhin pa ang damo kung nagbabato na ang kabayo."

"ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa."

"to err is human, to errs is to humans."

"ang taong naiipit, sa bumbay kumakapit."

"pag may usok.... may nag-iihaw."

"ang taong naglalakad ng matulin... may utang."

"no guts no glory, no i.d. no entry."

"birds of the same feather that prays together, stays together."

"kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot."

"walang matigas na tinapay sa taong gutom."

"walang pangit sa titeng galit."

"ang taong hindi maruning lumingon sa pinanggalingan.... may stiff neck."

"birds of the same feather makes a good feather duster."

"kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga... kapag may taga, may tahi."

"huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin."

"ang naglalakad ng matulin, late sa appointment."

"matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin."

"better late than later."

"aanhin ang palasyo kung nakatira ay kwago, mabuti pa ang bahay kubo, puno ng linga."

"kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na."

"no man is an island because time is gold."

"hindi lahat ng kumikikang ay ginto... muta lang yan."

"kapag ang puno ay mabunga, mataba ang lupa."

"when it rains, it floods."

"pagkahaba-haba man ng prusisyon, mauubusan din ng kandila."

"ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw, minsan nasa vulcanizing shop."

"bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan....kabit!"

"try and try until you succeed, or else try another."

"ako ang nagsaing pero iba ang kumain... diet ako eh."

"huwag magbilang ng manok kung ang alaga mo ay itik."

"if you cant beat them, shoot them!"

"pag ang palay naging bigas, may bumayo... pero pag ang bigas naging puto, may gumiling!"

"an apple a day is expensive."

"an apple a day makes seven apples a week." (too expensive!)

unexpressed kind of feeling

2006-05-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

i was just drinking and ready to go up on my room,then a group of people came over, its about 1 in the morning, im wondering who they where, then i realized that they are the friends of my cousin. i was talkin to a guy in the couch, suddenly a heaven sent face walk on by pass by the door... shit! who'sthat girl...i wonder what's her name... then they are introduced,her name was ******, god! what a pretty face! i was so attracted to her.but first thing came to my mind, "i know she already have a boyfriend because ofher looks..","no jm...stop imagining...she's not for you." then she has a friend,named ******, the group kept teasing us, until we finished drinking at around 8am.after that, i thought that's it, no communication, no texting... then m***, boyfriend of my cousin's friend ***, texted me if i want to hang out with them, i said sure but i cant stay there for long,i still have class the following day,then i came there, to mingle bar, we chilled, then when the time came that i have to go,****** gave me her fone and asked for my number so i gave it to her, after that i thought that's it again...

almost weeks passes by with nobody texting me. i told my cousin, "i hate my fone, nobody cares for me, nobody remembers me.." when i got up to see my fone after i goto the mall, "1 message recieved" "GOSH! i have a message!" wondering and surprisingly opening the message..."hi jm,whatsup?****** here.friend nila *** & ***, wla lng, im bored na xe d2 sa work & its been a while nrin since d last tym we got together. so there, juz sayin hi." until then...we texted everyday...

but i dont know its only today that she's not replying to my text. i dont know how i will feel. shit, am i inlove with her or is it just an infatuation....i dont know. thats why the title of this is unexpressed kind of feeling because i dont know what to feel...Grrr.

TEXT ME, IM MISSIN' YOU ALREADY!!!!

NOW....IM HATIN' YOU!!!!

now i dont know what happen, jst that night we were ok and we were happy but the other day what d hell happened??? i have no clue... but still....

IM MISSING YOU....YOU MAKE ME NUTS!

a tribute for me coming from someone special, given on my birthday.

2006-04-19T10:11:00.000-07:00

When one's asked to describe Mr. Jean Michael Yumul, those who know him very well will often reply with the question "Where do I start?". It's not because it's hard to describe him, but because there are so many different ways and there are so many talents that this well rounded person possesses.

He is part of a rare and unique breed of people who have both the brains and the looks to back his pleasing personality. His High School days seem to be a breeze as he won both the Grand Champion in their school's Spelling Bee and Art Contest.

This twenty - one - year - old individual, now proudly holds an associate degree in Management Systems Technology from the Mapua Information Technology Center in Makati.

His face has found the favor of camera lenses as he has already grazed different picture spreads and photo albums. It should come as no surprise if we get to see his versatile looks more often as he continues to learn and mature.

All these success that he is beginning to achieve, he attributes to God and Family as his biggest source of strength and inspiration. As he starts to reach his full potential, we then will be waiting and watching his very step of the way.

Although it is his dream to be a successful Pilot, he has made his name as one of Manila's most promising, young music lover.

Blessed with a smile that can surely melt anyone's heart, his Repetoire is as impressive as his talents. People can't help either sing with him or fall in love to his sweet and soothing voice.

Statuesque: JM Yumul has joined some organizations like Management Society of MITc where he is a Program Coordinator.

Jm describes himself as " low-key, simple and fun loving." in his spare time, he enjoys music, relaxing and writes anything under the sun.

This Son of Businessman Amador Yumul and the former Amanda Basco says " God and family are important in my life. God is the strongest source of unwavering strength and faith. While the family is the inspiration to live on and to make things happen. without them, I can't imagine what my life will be.

all "I's" on me...

2006-04-19T10:07:00.000-07:00

I miss: our subic trip with my school org. mates.
I want: a surprise gift coming from someone special
I hate: someone.
I have: the bestestestestest groups of friends -- my msm family, my metrica barkada... calumpit tropa!
I fear: heights!
I play: an organ.
I hear: Sitti's soothing voice. <3
I care: about music.
I smile: when someone would go the extra mile for me.
I wonder: if I'll succeed in management...
I love: spoiling my friends and family <3
I think: the movie, Memoirs of a Geisha, was a flop. I enjoyed the novel, though.
I always: set my alarm 60 minutes earlier than my usual waking time since I don't want to be late during morning classes.
I am not: gwapo..sympatiko lang!
I sing: when I hear a nice tune on the radio.
I wish: I could be someone else rather than myself.
I keep: pictures of important events in my life.
I can: choke myself hehe..can you?
I can't: save money
I write: poems...articles...thoughts...
I won: my new set of friends
I lost: my perfume last night
I smell: soooo daaaammmnnnn good!
I confuse: words with "cie" / "cei"... i.e. receive / receipt.. tama ba? wah.
I need: a new phone.
I should: be sleeping early right now. madaming trabaho bukas!!
:)

grabe ang init....abot hanggang SINGIT!

2006-03-30T07:37:00.000-08:00

peste... bakit ba sobrang init pag summer? nakakairita, kakaligo mo lang tapos kumilos ka lang ng konti eh tatagaktak ang pawis na lalabas sa yo' pero para sakin ok un, para akong nag work-out diba?! at least pinapawisan ka ng d ka napapagod. un nga lang magagastusan ka dahil sayang ang pabango at deodorant na ginamit mo...

hay...gusto ko ng MAGSWIMMING!

puerto galera malapit na kitang makita...hay ilang araw na lang... sisiguraduhin kong mangungulubot muna ang balat ko bago ako umahon para masulit ang ibinayad ko no!

2006-03-28T08:06:00.000-08:00

my new set of friends!
tara laro tayo...

2006-03-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

my MITc family
tara laro tayo...

Tanging Hiling

2006-03-09T06:29:00.000-08:00

pasensya na kayo, wala kasi akong mapagkwentuhan o mapagsabihan nitong saloobin ko kaya balik ako sa usual na ginagawa ko pag nagiisip-isip... ang magsulat.(hi-tek na ngayon kaya mag "post" na ang right term.)

actually, wala naman akong gustong sabihin na masyadong kumplikado, wala lang. gusto ko lang malaman ng mga bumibisita (o kung meron man) kung ano ang saloobin ko ngayong malapit na ang birthday ko. baka sakaling kyo ang magbigay ng mga simpleng kahilingan ko na gusto kong makamit sa araw ng kapanganakan ko. eto sa baba ang listahan ng mga simpleng kahilingan ko na alam ko eh kaya nyong ibigay.

1. XDA II mini Pda phone - php 39,000.00 (wag ung sa Ebay ha.)
2. Ipod (kahit 40gig lng pwede na) - php 25,000.00 (im not sure kung tama ung price)
3. Oakley Monster Doggle / Monster Dog - php 7,000.00 (polarized ha.)
4. KICKER 15" SOLOBARIC sub-woofer - php 25,000.00 (samahan mo na rin ng amplifier na rockford)
5. Laptop - php 63,075.00 (brand new yan)
6. new Clothes - php 10,000.00 (branded dapat)
7. new Perfume - php 4,000.00 (pwede na issey miyake for men)
8. new Shoes - php 2,000.00 (chuck's or Vans will do. size 10 1/2)
9. Fix Gel Stick - php 350.00 (pinaka mura na yan ha.)
10. New Book - (kahit mumurahin lng basta maganda basahin)
11. Wrist watch - php 4,350.00 (may less 10% pa yan)

o ayan ang mga simpleng wish ko ngayong birthday ko. d naman gaanong mabigat sa bulsa yung mga presyo diba? pero sobrang mapapa-ligaya mo ko pag binili mo ko kahit isa sa mga yan.

eto pa pala... DEBUT ko na, napagisip-isip ko na bakit ang mga babae lang ang kadalasan na nagce-celebrate ng debut, plano ko rin na sa bday ko eh gayahin ang style ng mga dalagita pero iibahin ko pagdating sa bday ko.
eto ang format.

* 21 Hot Chics *
* 21 Body Shots *
* 21 Girl's Jumping on Trampulines *
* 21 Gun Salute *
* 21 Chic's Wobbling thier Humps *
* 21 Girl's on a Jello Wrestling Match *

kung may mga suggestion pa kayo sakin na pwede kong idagdag d2, wag mag atubiling mag message sa Tagboard ko. pag nagustuhan ko iimbitahin ko kayo ok.

Gawin nating friendster...la ma-post eh

2006-02-09T08:28:00.000-08:00

THREE NICKNAMES YOU HAVE:
1. jm
2. big yum
3. speedy bagal

THREE TRAITS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. happy go lucky
2. sympatiko
3. suplado

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Lazy
2. easily get bored
3. madaling magsawa

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. why girls are so pakipot
2. bakit ang hirap kumita ng pera ngaun
3. cno pumatay kay nida blanca

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
1. Broken promises
2. That some people are sooo INSENSITIVE
3. Hypocrites/Liars/Backbiters/wannabe's

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. money
2. mobiles
3. mp3

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. westside
2. grillz
3. believed

THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:
1. mitc friends
2. neighbors
3. sya.(cno sya?)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. soundtrip
2. swimming
3. malling

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
1. True and unconditional love...hehe i'm such a sap... =p
2. o2 xda mini
3. a girlfriend

THREE PLACES WHERE YOU'D LIKE TO HAVE YOUR VACATION:
1. L.A.
2. boracay
3. France

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Be a successful financial analyst
2. Get married & have children
3. Let my loved ones know that I love them forever

pasensya na. wala akong ma-post ngayon...magulo utak ko.

am i ur kind of guy?

2006-02-05T08:51:00.000-08:00

im not a perfect guy, my hair doesn't always looks good, i have pimples in my face, and i spill a lot of things. im sometimes clumsy and sometimes i have a broken heart. my friends and i sometimes fight and maybe some days nothing goes right. but when i think about it and i take a step back... i remember how amazing my life truly is and that just maybe i like being UNPERFECT.

KATAM = delikadong sakit

2006-02-02T07:31:00.000-08:00

Oo tama ka, katam nga, as in "KATAMARAN". yan ang sakit ko ngayon. hindi nga ako nagising ng maaga dahil napuyat ako kagabi. este kaninang madaling araw pala.

10:30 ang pasok ko kanina kaya isinet ko ang aking brand new TWEET TWEET alarm clock na bigay sakin ng butihing kong kaibigan na si peping ng alas-siyete ng umaga. ngunit sa kasamaang palad ay hindi ako nagising sa lakas ng paghuni ng ibon sa loob ng alarm clock.

Yari nanaman ako sa teacher ko sa statistics na si sir Gil Ventura dahil absent nanaman ako sa subject niya. buti nalang eh wala kaming quiz sa araw na to'. napuyat ako dahil sa kaka-internet ng mga bagay na gusto kong bilin bago ako mag birthday. natapos ako ng alas-kwatro kaya hindi ako nakabangon.

Buong araw lang akong natulog, walang pakelam kung tanghailan na. sabagay, pabor yun sakin kasi "on diet" ako ngayon dahil may pustahan kami ng pinsan ko na dapat every month ay mag-bawas ka ng at least 3 pounds. ang pusta ay tumataginting na isang libo. eh itong nkaraang buwan ako ang nanalo, ako ang tinaguriang "the BIGGEST LOOSER" sa aming dalawa.

nagising nako ng ala-una ng hapon, haay.. sarap ng gising! kala ko di na ako aantukin, eh paglabas ko ng bahay eh mejo maulan-ulan kaya naisip ko na bumalik sa kwarto ko at humiga ulit sa aking mahiwagang kama. at ayun, humilik nanaman ako muli.

kaya eto ako ngayon, gabi na pero naka shades! ala-randy santiago ba... teka, hindi ko to fashion statement, nka salamin ako dahil namamaga ang mga mata ko dahil sa sobrang tulog.

kaya ang payo ko eh "KATAMARAN ay iwasan para ang ating mata ay hindi mamaga ng sobra!"

my own philosophy about life

2006-02-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

I've learned that no matter how much i care, some people just dont care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that "It's ok to be angry and never let go", it only gets harder the more that you know.

I've learned to let myself win...

I've learned that you should always tell people what you think, it might be the last time you will see them.

I've learned that the most painful thing in this world is loving someone and fighting your own belief... a haven't exactly learn how to let go...yet, letting yourself win isn't always as easy as it seems.

I've learned that its not what you have in life but, who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are two sides to every story.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel blaming other's doesn't help.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with the experiences you've had and you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've had.

I've learned that no matter how a good friend someone is, they 're going to hurt eventually and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop you from grief.....life goes on...

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they dont love each other. and just because they dont argue, it doensn't mean they do.

I've learned that we dont have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that emotions and feelings cloud all thought and judgement..... ergo it's not wise to make life altering decisions when in love.

I've learned that getting everything you want in life is of no use if you lose yourself in the process..... nothing is worth losing that.

I've learned that there are 3 things in life that when gone never comes back: TIME, WORDS, OPPORTUNITY.

and lastly and most importantly,

I've learned that in life, what does kill you only makes you stronger and whatever you're into, someone else out there has been through worse.

hey guys...guess who's BACK!

2006-01-31T09:57:00.000-08:00

its been a long time...finally, im an official blogger again!

2006-01-31T09:56:00.000-08:00

my latest baby

2006-01-31T09:54:00.000-08:00

his counterpart...

2005-03-13T08:57:00.000-08:00

wow! i had a great time in this picture! on the middle is annelle and next to her is my bud kim!

Ei...i wAnT tO ShoW yAh sUmTiN'....

2005-03-08T00:51:00.000-08:00

ei, i just want to show you something... a special friend wrote this poem for me. i just want to share it to you... here's her craft, hope you enjoy this. (',' )peace! hehe!

"UNREALIZED LOVE"

I just saw you die today in a bath of blood
Tears now fall from my eyes like a flood

I still hold your hand close to my heart
Seeing you like this tears me apart

just moments ago i saw you take your last breath
now all i can do is to hold you after your death

Why didn't you let me say what must be said
Now it’s too late because you’re gone and dead

I needed to tell you something, something you needed to know
I tried to tell you, tried to not let you go

I wanted to tell you how I had love you all this time
How I’ve always wished that you were mine

I should have told you sooner but I was scared
Your feelings for me I was unaware

I’m so sorry for what I’ve done, it is my to blame
And now my life without you will never be the same

I now pull you closer to me, just a little closer than before
Then lay you down, gently on the floor

Over your body I start to cry
So I kiss your cheek and say goodbye...

okies ba? dedicated nya yan sakin...
...one of many reasons thats why i loved her...i miss you mo'mo...

i AiNt LiKe uR tYpiCaL BoyNexTdOoR...

2005-03-06T09:23:00.000-08:00

There was a guy i knew
Who always wanted to be the one to stand out from the crowd.
Always believe that he was gonna live his dreams..
That what when down was gonna come around.

For all the DOUBTERS, NON-BELIEVERS, the CYNICAL that once were DREAMERS..
One of these days you'll open up your eyes and you'll realize ..
That guy was a one time TOP-OF-THE LINE.
A hot, tough everyday wannabe...
But he'll have changed his destiny..
Now he's a somebody.

That guy was a wild child dreamer but he found himself.
Coz he believes in nothin else and you'll look back and
You won't believe that guy was ME.

Armed with an attitude that he knows how to use.
He's gonna get there any way he can. Now he knows what he wants
No one is gonna stop him
Nothings ever gonna hold him down.

For all the DOUBTERS, NON-BELIEVERS, the CYNICAL that once were DREAMERS..
One of these days you'll know that you were Wrong..(who would know)
Life is a work of art you gotta paint it colorful,
Can make it anything u want, don't have to stick to any rules
You don't need a high IQ to succeed in what you do,
You just gotta have no doubt just believe in yourself.

Doubters, non-believers.. once were dreamers.
One of these days you'll open up your eyes...
And you'll realize--
That guy was a one time "top of the line"
A hot, tough everyday wannabe...
But he'll have changed his destiny..
Now he's a somebody.

That guy was a wild child dreamer but he found himself.
Coz he believes in nothin else
And you'll look back and you wont believe that guy was.... ME!

b4 aNyThiN' eLsE...

2005-03-06T01:49:00.000-08:00

The owner of this site takes no responsibilities if you felt like falling after seeing the pix's. Coz if you do, HEARTACHES follow.

at last! a perfect one!

2005-02-24T22:18:00.000-08:00

its been a busy day for me, i went thru a lot of places, dmi ko inasikaso, my project in electronics, and my tita asked me if makakapunta ako ng makati eh on the way naman ako so i do her favor, then after these kala ko makaka uwi na ako, hindi pa pala... my old high school classmate saw me at megamall so di' pa kaagad ako nakauwi nun' haaayyy.... kakapagod!

2005-02-24T06:08:00.000-08:00

me and a couple of friends having fun....

2005-02-23T13:06:00.000-08:00

boring....

awfull day for me...

2005-02-22T21:49:00.000-08:00

just another day has passed me by... nothing to do. i just go to makati, i have no class up to friday... a boring week for me...until i met this chick named charm, i met her from a friend(no need to mention the name haha!) i asked her to go to gb3 and chill with me, i was totally shoked that she took my word seriously, she went to the place and hangout with me... ahhh... at last! a wonderfull thing happened today! thanks to charm....

hahaha...do the talkin' now!

2005-02-22T00:55:00.000-08:00

uhmm...ionno where to start...ok, i woke up late today, about past 2 in the afternoon. then i read the messages on my fone, my classmate was asking me to go to school early because we will go to a shop near pasong tamo in makati but i read it late so i texted him back i told him that i just woked up. then im preparing for school... when i got up in school i have no reaction paper proir to the report last friday, my professor will be mad and will not check my attendance if i have nothing to pass on her subject. so i decided not to attend my class in ethics. since i have nothing to do, no place to go, i've decided to go with my friend to fetch his brother in La Salle. after goin to the school, we chill out in university mall, feeding our naked eyes to the beautiful creatures that come crossing our way.in short, "chic hunting!". nothing interesting on my day, just a day of laziness! haha!

2005-02-21T11:08:00.000-08:00

chillin at my house!

mY sTaRtuP bLoG

2005-02-21T01:42:00.000-08:00

well, its my 1st time here at blogger.com. well i find it very usefull at least i can share my daily life and day-to-day experiences with you. usually i write it down on my site at xanga.com but i find it here more entertaining. nothing more to say ill just keep you posted.